Thursday, January 6, 2011

Birds, Flues, Fires, Grass, and Tires

 

Bird Watching

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“Today we are talking about politics,” the teacher told her class.  “Does anyone have something to say about politics?”

“I have something to say,” said one little girl.  “My father has a parrot and we call her Polly.  One day Polly ate my father’s watch.  Now Polly ticks.”

 

Farmer’s Flu

Farm Jones was sitting in the cafe having a cup of coffee when Farmer Brown walked in.  “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”  he said to his friend.

“Yeah,” replied Farmer Brown.  “I’ve had a real bad bout with the flu.  first the doctor thought I had bird flu, so he gave me the regular tweetment.  When that did not do any good, he decided it must be the swine ful.  So he gave me some special oinkment.”image

Fighting Fire

A few years ago, I was teaching Sunday school to kids ages 5-8.  After we had finished the story in which God sends the fire down from heaven, I decided to find out how closely they had listened.

“What did God send down from heaven?”  I asked don little boy.

He couldn’t remember.  But his older brother knew the answer and wanted to give him a hint.  Their father was with the local fire department, so his hint was:  “What does Daddy fight?”

The young brother became all excited and replied, “Mom!”image

No More Grass

“Doctor, I don’t know what’s wrong,” my mother complained when she went for her annual physical.  “All I ever eat is greens, but I still keep gaining weight.”

The doctor replied,  “Well, remember that all elephants ever eat is grass!”

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Which one?

Four college students taking chemistry all had good grades as they approached the final exam.  They were so confident about passing the course that they decided to visit some friends and have a big party.  After all the partying, they slept through the rest of the weekend and didn’t make it back to school until after the exam on Monday.

The told their professor that they missed the final because they had visited friends, and that on the way back they’d had a flat tire.  The professor agreed to let them make up the exam the following day.

They studied that night and went in the next morning felling very cocky.  The professor placed them in separate rooms and gave each a test booklet.

They quickly answered the first question, worth five points.  cool, thy thought, each in his separate room  This is going to be easy. 

Then they each turned to the second page and found this written across the top:  “For 95 points, which tire?”

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